so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
