i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
