I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
