All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
