There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
