Plan B is the new Plan A
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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