he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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