Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
