Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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