So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
