theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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