anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
