the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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