I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
