Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
