i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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