I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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