let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
