Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I need to calm my uterus...
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