I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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