She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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