I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
