bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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