I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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