So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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