We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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