Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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