you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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