Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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