I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
