During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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