she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Randomize
