I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize