Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
