A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
