everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
