I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
