I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
