I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
