I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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