I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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