do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
well you can't waste a boner
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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