I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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