That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
