HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
