im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
