He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
