We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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