I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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