I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
