Little spoons don't ask big questions
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
