all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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