She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize