Kiss
Puke
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize