i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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