If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
