update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
These tits shall not be calmed
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize