just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
