i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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