You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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