She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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