You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
