What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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