you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
