A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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