I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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