I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
oh god the rape fog is back!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
