If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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